Gene Corsini's Weblog

February 20, 2008

genecorsini — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 03:52:44 +0000

I doubt there is many of you out there that will view this posting, but for those of you who do, I thought I’d share a picture of my dad’s final resting destination in Santa Maria, California. The pain has been unbearable and I was unable to write until now. I have visited my dad’s niche many times and it’s very peaceful and beautiful there. I miss him every minute of everyday yet I feel his presence around me constantly.

I just came back from spending 3 days with my mom. She is doing very well. My dad would be so proud of her. She visits his niche frequently and often takes 5 roses, 1 for her and 1 for each of us kids. She is getting back into her pulmonary rehab and slowly beginning to play cards with her friends again. She has pictures of her & my dad at various places around the house and its as comforting as possible. We had a nice time together and I’m looking forward to doing it again soon. My brother Rick and his fiance Laura go over there often and help her with whatever she needs. And then, there is Pat, her lovely neighbor. The two of them remind me of Lucy & Ethel! I can see my dads smile as I write this. Her friends in the senior park have also been helping her healing. She told me that on her first night alone, she locked the doors and went to bed and turned out the light…..and then she heard a frog! I asked her if her window was open and she said no!! Then she said “Gene, if that’s you, you’d better not even think of jumping up on this bed!” And then she went to sleep!! I laughed and it felt like it was the first time I’d laughed in months and she laughed and we both agreed that YES! That sounds just like something dad would do if he could!!

I would like to thank all of you who prayed for my dad and have been praying for my family. I could feel the prayers and they are helping the healing.

They say time is what heals this pain and I can clearly see from all who have lost a loved one that life goes. But it hurts sooo bad. My doctor told me that its like breaking a leg. The pain is so great in the beginning that its hard to believe that one day it will heal and you will walk again.

January 18, 2008

genecorsini — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 06:33:32 +0000

its me, laurie. i’ve been having a tough time and am not ready to talk yet. i can’t believe how painful this is. i keep telling myself that i knew he was sick, i knew it most likely would be terminal and the last few days, there was practically no hope that he would “snap” out of it and wake up and say, “What the hell happened?” although, i think that up to the very last second, i kept hoping thats what would happen. i hurt all the way down to my toes. i just can’t bring myself to talk to anyone. i want to believe that while i’m here at home, he is at his home, sitting in his chair, watching jeopardy. i haven’t seen or spoken to my mom since the service. i know she is having a terrible time too, but while i would love to be with her so we could comfort each other, i know that is not possible because our grief is so very different from each others. for her, its the end. the final. he died and he’s gone. for me, i feel that he is in heaven and that i will see him one day. the pain, for me, is coming from wanting to see him today. when i have to leave my apartment, day or night, i keep my sunglasses on, because i don’t want to have to look at anybody or smile at anybody. it hurts to smile right now. i think about him all the time. every second of everyday. i don’t cry all the time, but when i do, they are crying spells like i’ve never ever had in my whole life. nothing in particular seems to trigger them, they just start all of a sudden and are very agonizing. they made me feel like i’m going to throw up. then, when they stop, i’m ok until the next one. when people want to talk to me, it makes me feel very uncomfortable that they are trying to make me feel better. or trying to cheer me up. i don’t like feeling this bad, but i can’t think of anything anyone can say or do that would make me feel better, so its just easier for me to stay away from people. if this ever passes, i have so many things i want to write about. but for right now, all i want is to feel that he is sitting at home wondering if i’m coming over tomorrow. it’s not exactly denial, but definitely some form of denial. i can’t believe other people have gone through this and are ok today.

today, i had a doctors appointment and when i came out of the office to get into my car, sitting in the next parking space next to my car, was an exact replica of my dad’s truck! it shocked me at first. i gasped. i walked all around it. it was identical except there was no dent in the side of it. it even had the same shell on the back of it. my dad used to keep one side of the back end of the shell locked, so it would be easier to open. one handle would be vertical and the other handle would be horizontal. and thats exactly how this trucks shell was. i looked inside and the interior was identical. i know it wasn’t really my dad’s truck, because his truck is up in Redding with my nephew. but, it still took my breath away. and i stood there, looking around, hoping to see him walk up to me and ask what the doctor said. i was just standing there, kind of frozen, not knowing what to do and all of a sudden a butterfly flew right up to me, right in front of my face. i had to move so it wouldn’t hit me. it fluttered around me until i had to move to get away from it. i think that was one of those things that make ya go “huh” ……. thats all i have to say today. i hope things are going better for the rest of you out there. thanks for listening….(i mean reading). Laurie

January 15, 2008

genecorsini — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:33:18 +0000

It is difficult to adequately express the appreciation for all the effort that was put forth for a fabulous and respectful celebration of my dads life. I have so much I would like to say about my father but the pain is still too great and so deep that the words are suppressed. But someone gave me some hope and that is the unbearable pain exists because of the wonderful relationship I had with my father. I loved him more than anyone in this world. And he has left behind so many happy yesterdays for so many of us, that his love will sustain us through all our tomorrows. I will write more when the words flow more easily. Thank you all for you attendance, and in making this celebration one befitting of royalty and for your abundance of prayers of sympathy. I know he would have been amazed at the shear number in attendance and it would have please him greatly to know he touched so many lives during his short walk through this life. Although his mortal body is no longer here, I feel his presence in my heart everyday. Thank you all for loving my dad. Love, Laurie

January 10, 2008

genecorsini — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 20:22:24 +0000

Dad’s Memorial Service, “A Farewell and Celebration of His Life” will be held Sunday, January 13, 2008 at 1:00 PM at Rancho Buena Vista Estates in the Clubhouse. The directions to the mobile home park are provided below. .

Directions to Rancho Buena Vista

2135 Railroad Avenue

coming from LA area, take 101 N all the way through Santa Maria until you come to Broadway exit. Proceed to the 2nd stop light which is Taylor and turn right onto Taylor. Go to Railroad Avenue and turn right on Railroad. Approximately 1/2 mile down you will see the entrance to Rancho Buena Vista Mobile Home Estates on your left. When you enter the park, if you go straight, you will head right into the clubhouse. There is some parking around that area.

if you are coming from the North, take 101 S and exit on Broadway and go 2 lights until you come to Taylor. Turn right onto Taylor. Go to Railroad Avenue and turn right on Railroad. Approximately 1/2 mile down you will see the entrance to Rancho Buena Vista Mobile Home Estates on your left. When you enter the park, if you go straight, you will head right into the clubhouse where there will be limited parking.

(any questions, you may call me at (805) 305-9444 thank you. Laurie

January 7, 2008

genecorsini — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 05:13:04 +0000

Words are not coming to me right now. The grief is unbearable. I’m told time will heal this pain, but it’s like watching a clock. I’m not feeling any better yet. At this point, it looks like the Memorial Service for my Dad will be this Sunday, at 1:00 pm, January 13th at the Clubhouse at my mom & dad’s senior park where they live. I will have the address and directions and details tomorrow. I am sorry I don’t have anymore information today. After a good nights rest, hopefully I’ll be in better shape. In the meantime, thank you all so much for your sympathy, and prayers, and wonderful wishes for peace for my family. We are holding up as long as we can hold up together. God Bless you all.

January 5, 2008

genecorsini — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 08:41:15 +0000

Gene Mario Corsini

November 10, 1926 – January 5, 2008

Today my Dad passed away. He died at approximately 6:40pm on Saturday night surrounded by his family.

And as he arose to heaven, I am confident his mother & father, Phillip & Adelina along with his brother Ed and his sister Pat were cherrfully awaiting his arrival, welcoming him to live in eternal peace behind the beautiful gates of Heaven. This feels like the saddest day of my life because I can’t even begin to describe how deeply my father will be missed. There is however, an unbelievable amount of comfort showered upon our family because of how many people loved my dad. His mortal body is gone, but the imprint he left on our lives will remain forever. There was never anything my dad wouldn’t do for me during my lifetime, and there was absolutly nothing I wouldn’t do for my dad while he was sick. My trust is in the Lord and I can only sit back and put one foot in front of the other and do whatever it is that God wants me to do and not question his plan. I heard there was supposed to be a huge electrical storm tonight and I’m guessing he must have needed the expertise of the best electrician up there for a task he needed some assistance with. We shall see. I have learned never to question God’s will for us. I have every bit of confidence that my dad is up there in absolute amazement at the glory of Heaven. I will continue to do the work God has planned for me but I am very much looking forward to the day when I will get to see my Dad again.Thank you very much for all your prayers and cards and emails and wonderful meals and all the support you all have bestowed upon our family. I will post again when we have the details of a memorial service. Anyone who wishes to speak and write a story or a memory to share, or even a picture, (drawn or a photo) about my father, please contact me and we would love to hear what your thoughts are – and all ages are welcome to share. I will post again after our meeting on Monday to let you all know what the arrangements are for the Memorial Service. I would like it to be very much a celebration of his life. Thank you once again for all of your generous support. XXOO

Here is a poem someone shared with me and I loved it enough to share it with you all. I hope you enjoy it as I have. God Bless you all.

God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around you
and whispered “Come with Me”
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer
And saw you fade away
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best!
We Love You and Miss You.

January 5, 2008

genecorsini — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 19:19:46 +0000

I find myself either sitting here in front of the computer, trying to think of something to write, or sitting at my dad’s bedside, staring at him and waiting for him to open his eyes and say, “What the hell is going on here!” In both cases, all I am doing is staring. My dad can no longer swallow. I do believe he can hear. I told him that it was ok to go with Jesus and that grandma and grandpa were waiting for him and it was ok to go. And he answered, very faintly, “ok”. He is struggling with his breathing and all we can do is help with medication so he doesn’t struggle too badly. There are a million good things to say about my dad. He hung on like a trooper all through the holidays and for his brother. He watched the rose parade with me and saw the USC/Illionois game. He even got up and came to the table for Laura’s (my sister-in-law) birthday on the 2nd. That was the end of his strength. There will be no miraculous healing. But, the biggest miracle of all will be taking place any moment, and that is the miracle God offer’s to all who believes, and it is the beautiful journey to heaven. Anytime now. That is the only peace I am able to find at this point.

December 31, 2007

genecorsini — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 05:22:00 +0000

I am sorry to have to write this entry. It seems we have reached the eleventh hour with my dad’s condition. All the signs and symptoms of his current state are discouraging. We know the situation is grave and have begun mentally preparing for what seems the inevitable. He is weak, frail and at times laboring to breathe, although he’s repeatedly acknowledged he’s not feeling pain. We are adjusting his meds according to the hospice nurses for his comfort. We will continue to maintain our vigil at his bedside and support him any way we can. Yet, we feel so helpless. A path has been chosen and it will take God’s miracle to change its course. In God, We Trust. At this point, I am praying only for his comfort and the warmth and light of God’s Love to surround him. I am desperately trying to find something good to say and the only thing that comes to my mind is that I am so greatful to be able to be here with my dad. It is New Year’s Eve and I can’t think of any place on this whole planet that I would rather be than right here, holding my dad’s hand. In the end, all that matters is love. And believe me, there is no lacking of love tonight in this home. Thank you God for all the many blessings our family has received. I am going to stop writing now because we are waiting for hospice to come and see if there is anything else we can do to make him more comfortable. Thank you all for your love and support and prayers for my dad.

December 29, 2007

genecorsini — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 02:32:39 +0000

Well, the company has come and gone. We had a wonderful christmas. Dad seems to be a bit stronger. We aren’t sure if it is because of all the excitement of the holiday and the company….or maybe the visit from his brother…..personally, I think it is because of all the prayers. He is getting up and down and going all over without help. Cherie went home today and I called and spoke with mom and she said they were doing great. So please keep praying for my dad’s recovery and we’ll see what the new year brings!! I have several pictures to show you all, but since I don’t have them downloaded yet, I hope you enjoy this “elf” picture of mom & dad and nick & myself….compliments of my wonderful neighbor, Raimond! Thank you Raimond!! And thank you all for your prayers. XXOO

December 23, 2007

genecorsini — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 07:43:27 +0000

This is a picture of my dad and his younger brother, my Uncle George. He came to visit 2 days ago from Canada and we were all so happy that he was able to come for the holidays. Dad perked up quite a bit too! They spent most of the day yesterday chatting and catching up with each other. It was so nice to see my dad doing something that had nothing to do with being sick and it made my heart happy to see the two of them together.

Dad has decided to not do anymore chemo treatments. He has not been able to regain his strength from his last treatment and he is just plain sick & tired of being sick and tired. The hospice people came today and will begin doing whatever it takes to make him comfortable. He is not in any pain and for that, we are all greatful. I am still holding out for a miracle. I believe my dad is one of the strongest people I know on this planet and he’s survived several near-death experiences in his lifetime and I think it’s possible there could be one more “miraculous survival” that just may surprise everyone, yet once again. He is at peace and said he’s very happy and content with his life. It’s his life and its his decision, but at the end of the day, it’s up to God and unfortunately, we don’t get to know God’s plan for us in advance. But, I’ve seen his miracles and I have learned to expect them. We shall see what His plans are when he chooses to reveal them to us. Until then, we are greatful for the time we have. My sister Cherie and her family will be arriving tomorrow for the holidays and we are looking forward to celebrating the birth of Christ surrounded by our loved ones and greatful to be together. God Bless you all and have a very Merry Christmas.